crapiness

I'm in a weird place right now.

I dreamed about him again last night. He approached me and spoke to me; his words muffled, though his expression the most vivid I've ever seen. Then he smiled his most beautiful one, and I couldn't help but smile back. I was motionless, though still smiling, and my whole body turned into jell-o. I was in a state of shock, and when he finally said goodbye, I sank in my seat and simply smiled again. The dream started to drift when his friend smiled at me mockingly. Asking him in return, "What's your course again by the way, Moronology?" everything snapped back to reality and I woke up with the worst headache. The clock read 12:30 pm.

Everything's fuzzy. I hate this! I'm crumbling and feeling stupid and I can't seem to think straight. I haven't read anything for the past few days, and I feel really really awkward. I miss school. I takes my mind off its useless wanderings.

I really can't understand myself. It's hard to tell why I snap into this state occasionally, and the feeling's getting worse each time. I don't know what I want to do, I have a mild fever, my writing ability's deteriorating (seriously, I can't seem to write the way I did before.) But what can I expect? I'm taking a Science course. Though I am very passionate about literature, I'm taking up a med course, and apparently I'm no genius to be concentrating on two irrelated subjects simultaneously. I wish I knew what I wanted. I hope I'm doing what I really want, because shifting now is a huge mistake.

See? I keep thinking about things I've thought about and changing my mind and changing it back again and...

I need a cure. I miss school. I need school.

+++

Next semester:

Six units of Physics and three units of Environmental Science. *cheers weakly* At least I have a writing class! :)

I want to wake up feeling restored, refreshed, and just feeling wonderful. I want to dream things that are unimportant. I want to dream of faeries, clouds, meditation, meadows, clouds, stars, the milky way, and anything that won't result to a migraine. Crap. I just remembered, I still haven't enrolled yet. I feel exhausted.